Relationships are hard. From the moment we start a meaningful relationship with another human being, a cascade of emotions, memories, and social dynamics are triggered, making our experiences so intense that they can become very hard to handle.
We learn no relate to others from the moment we are born. As babies, our first caregivers will leave a mark on us so deep that it will determine how we experience attachment for the rest of our lives.
As we live through our childhood and teenage years, events will shape our minds, prepare our hearts, and mould our souls to our relationship style in adulthood. Sometimes we know why we feel or behave in a certain way, but often we don’t have the faintest idea.
We simply feel, react, avoid, approach, seek, protect, and let go based on our subjective reality. There is no objective truth about how we should feel, and no two persons in the world experience reality the same way.
Navigating the dynamics of our relationships is extremely difficult because we are too deeply involved, too emotionally attached, to be able to see things for what they are. Navigating through guilt, shame, fear, beliefs, expectations, past experiences, and so on is not just difficult but also painful. Having someone who knows a method to help sail through those issues can be extremely beneficial.
The benefit starts from the moment someone is there to truly and fully listen. Listening in itself is an important skill. Because listening requires paying attention to the person who is talking and letting what they say be just what it is, instead of trying to make sense of it by adding some context where there is none. Having someone truly listen to you is therapeutic because you can rely on the fact they will not judge or take what you say against you at some point. It allows us to be honest, and the things we then say can be revelatory and transformative, just by themselves.
A therapist will know how to listen and be aware of the possible dynamics in your specific situation. They will be able to share their knowledge with you so that you can arrive at your own insights. New perspectives and an outsider’s view can help you better understand yourself and what you feel and do, which is extremely powerful. The more self-aware you are, the better you can relate to others.
Hypnosis is a range of techniques that a therapist can use. Hypnosis is an understanding of human thought and brain chemistry that allows us to guide and direct it so that your thoughts and ideas work in your favour and not against you.
We are deeply unaware of the thought processes and internal chatter that goes on while we just get on with our days. However, much of what goes on in the background can be downright unhelpful.
To mention an example, I could have internalised something that my mother said about my father when I was a child, such as: “men don’t like needy women”. I could then grow up with that in the back of my mind like a mantra, which could lead me to avoid being affectionate, or to show affection towards a lover who will likely assume I don’t like them as much as I actually do. And this is how one single moment of anger from my mother could result in a lifetime of confusion for me.
Now, that isn’t to say hypnosis can recover lost memories, I absolutely do not believe that, and this seems to be the latest scientific consensus. I would not go back to your past to try and “uncover” anything.
Instead, I could help you realise that you may not be showing enough affection, how a lover could perceive that, and challenge your “must not show affection” belief. Because the cause or source of an unhelpful belief is irrelevant, what matters is to be able to see reality now and adapt to new, real, and helpful beliefs.
Hypnosis is powerful because it makes thinking clearer. It aims to cut through the noise, the endless and mindless self-talk, and bring things into awareness to promote insight and clear thinking.
Hypnosis is nothing more than a guidance technique to quieten the mind and focus. It is a state of focused attention that is quite special. But no one can “enter” your mind or control your thoughts; you are the one who creates your own reality, both in and out of hypnosis. We can only help you focus and relax, accept and adapt. You have to do the work, arrive at your own insights, and decide for yourself what you want to do, believe, feel, and think. It is your call.
I hope this information can help you make a more informed decision when it comes to seeking help with relationships. If you would like someone to help you through your self-development process, help you discover yourself, and promote a more positive and constructive mindset, then a hypnotherapist may be a good fit for you.
Contact me for a free 30-min initial consultation to learn more about me and my approach to therapy.