If difficulty relaxing is part of the reason to seek support, it follows that hypnotherapy has to competently address this issue. It is therefore not necessary for clients to feel they can relax before seeking help that involves hypnosis. Helping your body and mind find the pathways to relax more is precisely what hypnosis is for.
If you tend to stay alert, overthink, brace, or monitor yourself closely, the idea of “just relaxing” may feel unrealistic or even slightly irritating. Anxiety, that nagging feeling of impending doom, can be pervasive and persistent, and treatment needs to be strategic to be effective. Simply telling someone anxious to “chill” can have the opposite effect. This is why the work needs to meet you where you are.
Relaxation is not a performance
One of the common misunderstandings about hypnosis is that you are meant to drift immediately into an unusually deep state. In reality, it varies. Some settle quickly. Others stay more aware, more cautious, or more mentally active at first.
That does not automatically prevent useful work.
Why people who struggle to relax may still benefit
Difficulty relaxing is part of the cycle. Anxiety, vigilance, or sleep problems, are self-protective habits designed to make it hard to let go. Hypnotherapy can still be useful because the process is not about “passing a relaxation test”. It is about creating enough focus and safety for change to begin.
Hypnotherapy also does not consist only of hypnosis. There is a meaningful talking-therapy element, where we, together and collaboratively, examine some of the thought processes that maintain a cycle of worry. This is not an inquisition, however. It is more like a curious exploration of what is sending the mind into overdrive: and we normally find there are simple changes that, when applied consistently, lead to more calm and confidence.
Moreover, sometimes the simple act of speaking openly, in a calm and attentive setting, is therapeutic in itself.
Hypnosis can be understood as a tool for helping someone arrive at a more focused and settled state, where there is more space for clarity, curiosity, and self-observation. Many people do not instantly drop into deep relaxation. Instead, they settle gradually, especially when they feel safe, understood, and not pushed to perform.
It is also worth remembering how unusual it is to give yourself just over an hour of uninterrupted calm attention. In that sense, hypnotherapy is not just technique. It is a safe, confidential, compassionate space in which relaxation becomes more possible.
What happens during sessions
There are many evidence-based approaches to anxiety, especially within the Cognitive-Behavioural approach that I adopt in my practice. We may begin by looking at cause and effect: naming the fears, describing how they affect your daily life and choices, and its consequences. Then, you tell me what you want to happen instead, and together we look at options of how to get there.
A simplistic example is public speaking. Fear of being judged -> avoidance of public speaking -> lack of practice, assumptions unchanged. So what does one need to speak more even though they feel afraid? Well, first they may notice what happens internally when they make a mistake. The mind can make global meaning out of isolated events: “People will think I am a total failure” may come up as a belief, or “People will see my insecurities”, and so on. We then work on alternative options, such as “Everyone makes mistakes” and remember times when you have witnessed mishaps from others.
And yes, change requires a certain level of humility. Because as humans we are fallible. Our minds can err. No matter how competent, intelligent, or disciplined someone is, the human mind has evolved for survival, not happiness, and the way it works is not by looking at reality as is, but by making assumptions. This is inherently human and no one can escape it. The best we can do is to find ways to manage the impact of our best self-preservation strategies so they do not rob us of the joys of being alive.
More importantly, is that we have come a long way in terms of knowing what works to help us achieve just that: more joy, more calm, and less constant worry.
A more realistic view of trance
Hypnosis is closer to absorbed attention than to being “under”. You may notice yourself settling, imagining, listening more intently, or becoming less pulled by ordinary distractions. That can happen gradually rather than dramatically.
Next step
If you have been assuming that hypnotherapy is not for you because you find it hard to switch off, that assumption may be worth questioning. You can also read more about anxiety hypnotherapy if the difficulty relaxing is part of a wider anxiety pattern.
I can also recommend Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow as a good place to start.
References and further reading
- American Psychological Association. Background on the definition of hypnosis: https://www.apa.org/topics/hypnosis/media
- Lynn SJ, Green JP, Kirsch I, Capafons A, Lilienfeld SO, Laurence JR. Grounding hypnosis in science: The “new” APA Division 30 definition of hypnosis as a step backward. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis. 2015: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6357291/
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. Generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder in adults: management (CG113): https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg113